I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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