It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
