I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
3pm strippers are depressing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
