Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
