I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
