You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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