I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
