I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
pray to the hookup gods
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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