I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
