the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
