i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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