fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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