just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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