now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
