Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
