When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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