I could have mohawked her pubes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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