Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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