We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
