non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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