Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
