Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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