i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
