I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
