so explain again why im purple
no
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
