like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
