Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
