Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
