What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
