it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
