If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Randomize
