My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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