the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
