i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
