its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
