You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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