Sry I called you an 8
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
