So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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