Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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