Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
