I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
