Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
