now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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