Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
