i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
