what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
