While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
