Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
