the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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