corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
