I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
