just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize