I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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