well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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