When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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