Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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