honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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