found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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