I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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