Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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