Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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