so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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