Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
