I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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