I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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