the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
