foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
