I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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