At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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