Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
