Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
