why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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