'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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