you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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