Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
