Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
