he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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