youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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