You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
