well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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