Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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