Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
