I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
how does that bad decision feel?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
